Pride, Prejudice and Pain

Dear Pride Preparers:

During my first year in college I attempted to join the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF) that held a weekly campus meeting, but after three or four gatherings, I stopped attending. It was no crisis of faith; I just found their meetings and Bible studies too saccharine and a little paranoid. Their focus—near obsession—was how, because we were Evangelicals, we were persecuted by the academic world hostile to our existence. I just didn’t buy it. While the University of Chicago community provided little encouragement for a Christian Evangelical worldview, at worst I found the environment indifferent, not hostile.

From those IVCF Friday night gatherings, however, I did make friends. We started a small study group that rotated between the half dozen dorm rooms of our regulars. Eventually an upper-classman, John Smith (yes, his real name), moved into an apartment, so we regularly met there. One of our members, another John, changed my worldview, and for that I have always been grateful.

From a distance John was easy to recognize. He stood 6’5” and weighed 127 pounds. After study and snacks at John Smith’s, the other John and I walked back to the dorm. He asked if we could talk—he had something he needed to get off his chest. We sat in my room for a long time (my roommate seldom came in before 2 AM, so we had plenty of time). John talked about his upcoming organic chemistry mid-term and other course-related anxieties, and then he burst into tears, tears that grew into sobs. Through his gasps John informed me that if he were to allow his desires to run free in his heart, he would have to admit that he was a homosexual. He curled into a ribbonlike ball on the floor of my room and wailed, crying out for God to deliver him and for me to forgive him.

Up until that moment, I had never had a conversation with anyone about their sexuality. I had been taught that homosexuality was wrong, being pointed to some vague Biblical references about sinful desire and sodomy. For the most part I saw the world divided into two kinds of people, straight and perverts, except John was no pervert. As he sobbed, I realized his tears were beginning to puddle on the floor; I wanted to say something to console my friend, but before I could form words, he continued his ‘confession.’

John had become good friends with a group of Pentecostals who weekly took a van to Evanston where they attended Sunday services at the only church in the Greater-Chicago area that they deemed ‘truth teaching.’ After worship they would have a lengthy prayer service for deliverance. John had confessed his orientation to them, and they prepared an all-night prayer vigil for his “healing”. John told me that they had been so loving, so kind, so attentive to his need that when they prayed so fervently, he didn’t want to disappoint them. So, he announced to them his divine deliverance and healing. Except John, now shaking and convulsing, told me he wasn’t healed, he wasn’t delivered and now he had lied to righteous people. “I do not deserve to live; I do not deserve to eat, please pray for me!” John cried, “I don’t think God listens to me anymore.”

In that moment I experienced a sudden reorientation of my own. I realized what I had been taught to believe was a lie. I prayed for and with John that evening, not asking for his deliverance but for his acceptance, acceptance for who he was, as he was, a child of God loved by God.

The following fall, John didn’t return to campus. One of his friends said he had been hospitalized and wasn’t coming back. I sent a few notes to his home in Eau Claire, Wisconsin; they were unanswered. I learned later that term that John had died.

It’s now nearly forty years later, and it's June, Pride Month; this time every year I remember John—valedictorian of his high school graduating class, honors chemistry student at the University of Chicago, kind, good-humored, compassionate—a young man who had put his faith and trust in a “Christian” community, a community that not merely failed him, but also assisted in his death.

And so, as I have done every year around this time, I pray for every person who does not feel they “fit” into the world or the skin into which they have been born. I pray for a church community that seeks God’s welcome beyond their social discomfort. I pray for John’s forgiveness.

Seeking to discover and live the full meaning of grace, I remain,

With Love,
Jonathan Krogh
Your Pastor

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Conspiring for Camp
Conspiring for Camp

Dear Happy Campers: 

In 1930, Walter Strong, publisher of the Chicago Daily News, constructed his country getaway summer home for his wife Josephine and their five children. Josephine’s brother, architect Maurice Webster, designed the home to resemble a Tudor castle, knowing Strong’s affection for his European travel and the writings of Sir Walter Scott. Quarried from local limestone, the house sits on a perch above the Rock River with sixteen bedrooms, nine baths, eight fireplaces, gargoyles and several playful secret passageways. Strong, however, never fully enjoyed this fanciful retreat house, as he died suddenly in 1931. 

Widow Josephine Strong maintained the home just outside of Oregon, Illinois, splitting her time between The Castle and her residence in Wilmette. When she passed in 1961, her children had scattered beyond the Midwest and did not wish to maintain the eclectic property, selling it to the Blackhawk Presbytery as a camping facility for

FPCLG Election Strategy
FPCLG Election Strategy

Dear Election Deniers:

Well, another election is in the books, and I am beyond disappointed. I cannot discern the motivation of individual voters, but the collective count seems to be a win for anger and misogyny. Unfortunately I fear had it gone the other way we would have chalked up a win for complacency. You know my preference, but we all must live with the results and determine how to move forward.

Like many post-election executives, my job now is to discern the outcome’s impact on my business. I know the metaphor may feel unseemly, but as a minister I need to evaluate my industry which is religion, my brand which is Christianity and my model which is Presbyterian. Given the election results, I feel like a horse collar manufacturer in 1920s Detroit. 

I don’t think the problem is the quality of the product—it’s whether or not anyone is buying.

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Giving and Gaining

Dear Spam-Call Warriors:

The phone rings. You don’t recognize the number, but you’re waiting for a call, so you say, “Hello?” There’s a long pause and then that strange boip sound that you know connects you to an AI-controlled recorded voice. Yep, it happened again…Spam Call! Against all reason, you try to interrupt sometimes with insults or questions, but the bot hasn’t been trained in irony, so you get back a very disappointing, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Would you like to…” Sometimes you wait and eventually get connected to a live operator. Guess what—even though it’s a living breathing person, they cannot be insulted. There is no expression of annoyance they have not heard before. Of course, they hang up before you can explain your frustration. Their only hope is volume, scooting on past your indignation to the next voice,

No Obligation Subscription - Hoping Inspiration Works
No Obligation Subscription - Hoping Inspiration Works

Dear Subscribers:

Once an organization or association has approved by-laws and built a website, it seems the next project is to create a newsletter or magazine. In addition to collecting dues, the staff, whether volunteer or paid, is tasked with keeping track of the industry’s trends and legislative agendum. Many of these periodicals now exist only online, but who can forget the importance of Potato Chipper Magazine or the National Tire Dealers and Retreaders Association newsletter? (When I was a kid, the latter arrived for my dad at the house each month.)  It matters not your hobby, interest or profession, you can bet there’s a periodical that fits even the narrowest of interest. Some titles explain themselves, like “Private Island Magazine”; others feel a tad more obscure, like “Emu Today and Tomorrow” or “Miniature

If You Don't Feel Full, It's not Righteous
If You Don't Feel Full, It's not Righteous

Dear Hangry Diners: 

Having just stepped away from my morning news feed, I’m inclined to observe that the world is a mess. Of course, 24-hour news cycles and constant doom scrolling would lead even the most stable among us to become unmoored, assuming the great apocalypse is only moments away. But that’s how it works when attention is monetized. The financial incentives are out of whack—the purpose of information is not to keep me informed, but to keep me glued, to awaken in me an insatiable hunger for the next screen. I’m ashamed to admit how well it works, because even as I write this I am tempted to click back on the updates of some story, issue, poll or commentary. It all triggers in me a

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Seeking Real Intelligence

Dear Real Intelligence (RI?) Seekers:

Last year my brother Bruce (Prof. Emeritus electrical engineering, Carnegie Mellon University, and Founding Director CMU Africa) was interviewed by CNBC Africa regarding current technological developments on the continent. In the interview, which may be found here, he discussed the importance of context in Artificial Intelligence (AI) learning models. In our conversations, my brother has talked about the vast difference between American and European AI models and African continental models relating to everything from logistics to health care to banking. 

If you were to use models trained with data from legacy countries and inquire as to how developing nations in Africa could improve the delivery of goods and finances, the AI output would most likely commend grand infrastructure projects requiring the construction of massive dams, highway systems and power plants. However, African nations are currently using networks

One Painting is Not an Exhibition
One Painting is Not an Exhibition

Dear Art Dealers, 

From 1870 to 1871, impressionist painter Claude Monet lived in London, where he had arrived from Paris in self-imposed exile to avoid conscription in the Franco-Prussian War. That first exposure to London’s smoggy air inspired the young artist, who was fascinated by what the moisture and pollution did to the refraction of light. After returning to Paris, Monet was determined to revisit London, which he did many times over the subsequent decades.

Among his favorite subjects for painting were the Parliament buildings along the River Thames capturing the various angles of light and fog. Throughout his career, Monet captured those

Don't Try to Be Happy
Don't Try to Be Happy

Dear Happy(?) Campers:

Happiness is a byproduct, not a goal. I heard that quote during a podcast interview last week and it is stuck in my head. 

A little research reveals that Mahatma Gandhi may or may not have said something similar. His abbreviated quote usually reads, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Except that seems to be a memeification (yes, invented word) of a longer, more verifiable Gandhi quote: “Happiness is a direction, not a place. Happiness

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Leisure, A Sign of Failure?

Dear Busybodies, 

Labor Day—that last gasp of summer as we slip our summer whites into storage and prepare for the seasonal responsibilities of harvest. A day for workers to set aside the drudgery of Mondays for one fleeting glimpse of how life could always be had we been born into the luxury of the leisure class. Except these days we no longer mark success as freedom from responsibility, but rather prove our worth by a flurry of perpetual busyness.

Imagine Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos lingering over one more game of croquet on the lawn while sipping lemonade. Or Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg touring aimlessly down a coastal highway, windblown with

Wishing It Were True
Wishing It Were True

Dear Seekers:

This past week I attended a required clergy continuing education program hosted by the Presbytery of Chicago. A portion of the day was devoted to helping us understand the importance of monitoring our stress. When we are under pressure, we are more likely to violate the personal boundaries of others; we become less supportive of their needs, and our tolerance for their behavior wears thin. At the same time, the presenters wanted us to appreciate how stress helps us grow, building our resilience, so they offered this illustration...

Biosphere 2 was a research project constructed in the Arizona desert in the late 1980s to determine if it was possible to create a closed ecological system which, in the future, might sustain human life on other planets. It’s a massive domed structure that replicates

The Gospel of Success
The Gospel of Success

Dear Wealthy Investors:

If you’ve missed the fact that I think a “prosperity gospel” is heresy, then we haven’t talked. Religious hucksters have been around since the beginning of time. Even the early church struggled with that brand of phony. 

In Acts 4.32, we’re told how many people sold property to place the money before the Apostles so they could distribute it to any who were in need. In Acts chapter 5, Ananias and his wife Sapphira wanted in on the action. Christians were digging deep to support the work of the early church. So Ananias and Sapphira sold a piece of property, but they held back

The Pervasive Power of Patrons
The Pervasive Power of Patrons

Dear Political Patrons:

I’m not a Chicago native, but I’ve spent nearly three times as many years as a resident of the Windy City as I had in my hometown of Omaha, and all of that time on the South Side (if one counts Hyde Park as the South Side). When I arrived in Hyde Park, Michael Bilandic was Mayor, and the fact that he was Croatian was of little consequence to my newfound awareness of Chicago politics. The Irish were kings of the South Side ever since Mayor Richard J. Daley’s mother, Lillian, announced that she wanted more for her son than being a policeman. Richard J. didn’t disappoint.

Daley (the elder) had a keen sense of optics, making sure that his base constituencies were well represented when handing out credit and meting out power. His was a carefully crafted machine in which the component parts were not

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When Spiritual Misses the Religious

Dear Collective Clergy:

As you may gather from my sermons over the past several weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about community, about interdependence, about sharing. Perhaps because there are few things less independent or self-sufficient than caring for someone who is ill; or perhaps because I am old enough to realize there are some things I will never accomplish in this life. Whatever the reason, I’ve been musing about how spirituality has become a personal responsibility. We’ve privatized it. We are taught that each of us is responsible for working out our own salvation, our prayer life, our meditation, our scriptural devotion, even our emotional health and faith. I’m not so sure that’s right.

Much of this started with the Reformation. The reformers denounced the special position priests held in mediating God’s presence for the people through the

A Little Love Note to a Church
A Little Love Note to a Church

Dear, Dear Friends:

Letters from the pastor are traditionally epistles of reprimand. Seeing oneself as constrained by a stiff-necked people, the pastor attempts to write the congregation into submission. Confident that the only limit to their ministerial wonderfulness is spiritual stubbornness, they dedicate their pens and preaching to browbeat the very congregation to which they are called. I sometimes wonder how church members tolerate such dismissive paternalism. There must be something irresistible in the friendships, or the choir rehearsals, or the coffee that brings people back to endure their weekly scolding. I have on occasion, submitted my congregations to such smug condescending judgmentalism, and now looking back, I am sorry. My regret arises not only from the absurdity of ‘biting the hands that feed me,’ but

Is Our Welcome Upside Down?
Is Our Welcome Upside Down?

Dear Welcoming Worshipers:

This may come as a bit of a surprise, but occasionally I muse about things other than political temperament or cultural erosion; sometimes I muse about the church—and not just its niche in society or role in public discourse. I sometimes think about how we ‘do’ church and how we ‘are’ church.

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The centerpiece of our community in both energy and focus is our gathering

Pointless Performative Posting
Pointless Performative Posting

Dear Fatigued Faithful:

Now that the state of Louisiana has codified posting the Ten Commandments in every public school classroom, attention has been given to commandments 7 (Thou shalt not commit adultery) and 9 (Thou shalt not bear false witness) and whether or not the politicians who endorse the policy live up to these commands. Those who defend the posting of the Decalogue claim it is a bedrock document of American law, and as such a piece of history without religious prejudice. My musing over this issue, and the recent state school superintendent of Oklahoma mandating the teaching of the Bible in schools, has less to do with the documents themselves and more to do with the qualifications of those who will interpret their meaning for young minds.

Of course, the Ten Commandments is a religious document. Let’s start with #1, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” There is nothing secular about that! Of course, moving on, the next three commandments are equally sectarian: #2 Thou shalt not make any graven image, #3 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain and #4 Remember

Requiem For The Horde
Requiem For The Horde

Dear Bugged Ones: 

As many as 1.5 million cicadas per acre emerged a few weeks ago in our region of Illinois. With great anticipation, people dreaded the endless sound of their mating screech. It was amazing how finding a single cicada in the house and courting him outside could fill the air with so much noise. While larger than most bugs, it still seemed to emit more sound than its size could resonate. The crunching sound too—of thousands of exoskeletons littering the sidewalks—created its own fascinating cringe.  

Love them or hate them, they’re now nearly gone.

It will be 2041 when our brood emerges again. If I’m still around, I’ll be 80.

Equipped for Ministry?
Equipped for Ministry?

Dear Keepers of the Faith:

Last week the Southern Baptist denomination voted to change its constitution in order to fully codify that the office of Pastor could only be held by men. Congregations who deign to use the title Pastor for someone without a Y chromosome will be expelled from the denomination. Closely intertwined with the amendment’s rhetoric was a conservative political pushback related to debates over gender identity. It was not coincidental that former VP Mike Pence addressed the conference in person, and candidate President Trump provided pre-recorded video remarks to the assembly. Affirming the masculine prerequisite for congregational leadership, the vote was seen as a thumb-in-the-eye to political progressives who the Southern Baptists believe

Cleaning our Plates
Cleaning our Plates

Dear Dinner Guests,

Beginning this coming Sunday, June 9, our Adult Education program will feature a series of speakers discussing the lingering spiritual and emotional impact of the COVID-19 pandemic. These presentations will rely on materials and research prepared for the spring conference that didn’t happen due to low enrollment. I reflected on possible reasons for our collective disinterest a few weeks back in an essay linked here, and it is quite possible these Sunday post-worship gatherings will garner the same lackluster participation. But in consultation with our Adult Ministry Moderator Joe Yount, we’ve decided to try anyway, because we believe these conversations will be good for you—think of it as educational broccoli.

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Jesus Our Mother Prays for Us
Jesus Our Mother Prays for Us

Greetings, Praying Parents:

Sunday was Mother’s Day, and the text for the day was from John 17, a passage known as the High Priestly Prayer of Jesus. I’ve always found this record of Jesus’ words to be daunting. John’s language is layered and complex, and I’ve never quite understood what Jesus was praying. But, since it was Mother’s Day, I attempted to reinterpret John 17 as a mother’s prayer. When I started the project in preparation for my sermon, I was surprised how much more meaningful Jesus’ words were when seen through the heart of a mother.

Following worship, a few people asked if I could share the prayer. Since I hadn’t paraphrased the whole chapter, and chunks were truncated to make a point, I decided to undertake a re-reading of the whole

A Recipe for Reconciliation Has a Starting Point
A Recipe for Reconciliation Has a Starting Point

Dear Non-Conference Non-Attendees:

As you may know, a great deal of effort was put into planning and promoting a post-COVID conference scheduled for the second Saturday in March. Pre-registrations were underwhelming, so the week before the event I decided to cancel it. It’s bad form to have more breakout groups than attendees. I’m grateful for the presenters and preparers who were unable to showcase their no-doubt brilliant work; but discussing the impact of the pandemic four years out was clearly uninteresting to a wider public.

Upon reflection, I realize I shouldn’t be surprised. I conceived of an event designed to address the unprocessed grief we carry regarding what was lost during those dark months of soaring death rates and social isolation. I recognize now that a conference organized to address denial is doomed by its own irony.

Perhaps because I spent so much time thinking about the pandemic’s impact on our social psyche,

Thoughts and Prayers or Thoughtful Prayer?
Thoughts and Prayers or Thoughtful Prayer?

Dear Deep Intercessors:

As I’ve mentioned before, when confronted with pain, struggle, deprivation, weakness, etc., we’re not comfortable regulating our helplessness. “Thoughts and prayers” have become a trivializing phrase, hiding passivity in the face of tragedy. But there are times when that’s all we’ve got. Unfortunately, “I’ll pray for you” feels like a last resort when we’ve exhausted all the options of practical assistance. It feels like surrender. ‘I wanted to do something useful, but all the wonderful things I could do have been declined, so I guess I’m stuck with praying instead.’

I understand how quickly feelings of helplessness can degenerate into a self-loathing

A Taxing Responsibility
A Taxing Responsibility

Dear Taxing Filers:

April 15th, Tax Day! Hopefully you’re not scrambling to finish the filing task on this beautiful Monday; I usually am. Not because I procrastinate, which I do, but because ministers are paid like independent contractors, so the 15.3% self-employment tax on salary and housing allowance usually leaves a little extra needed to top off my quarterly payments from the previous year. Like many, I’m in no rush to hand off that cash. I am grateful for the continued income tax exemption provided to clergy for housing allowance, but am not confident that exemption will last. Implemented to compensate pastors who own their homes rather than live in a church manse, local municipalities like the allowance because it keeps clergy houses on the property tax rolls. Churches do not pay tax for their property, including church-owned pastors' housing. (Strangely enough, continuation of the housing allowance exemption finds its greatest protection from the U.S. military.) All this brings me to today’s musing, a brief history of the religious church tax exemption.

It’s an old allowance. Christian Emperor Constantine (272-337 BCE) famously insulated Christian churches from Roman taxation, a tradition that was continued

Keep Looking Up, at least until you're tired
Keep Looking Up, at least until you're tired

Dear Sunward Gazers,

As I write this we are anticipating a solar eclipse, which reminds me of my brief childhood hope of becoming an astronomer. It was the height of the Space Race, and Apollo missions were already in full gear, inching the United States closer to planting the first human feet on the moon. My neighborhood buddies and I were well aware of the tragic Apollo 1 accident on February 21, 1967, in which Command Pilot Gus Grissom, Senior Pilot Ed White and Pilot Roger B. Chaffee perished in an awful fire during a launch rehearsal. An electrical spark ignited nylon insulation, and the conflagration was accelerated by the use of pure, high-pressure oxygen in the cabin. A congressional investigation resulted in several changes to the module’s design, particularly the use of a far less explosive nitrogen/oxygen mixture. They had briefly experimented with an even more inert helium/oxygen blend, but that combination made the astronauts sound like Alvin and the other chipmunks, so it was scuttled in the name of dignity.

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You Raise Me Up, Because?
You Raise Me Up, Because?

Dear Sitters:

In 2001, Norwegian composer Rolf Løvland wrote a short instrumental piece with a contemplative melody and haunting harmonies titled “Silent Story”. A few years later, Løvland approached novelist and songwriter Brendan Graham to write lyrics for the piece. It was first performed at the funeral of Løvland’s mother by vocalist Johnny Logan, who later recorded a demo of the piece with full orchestra. The song was picked up by various artists, but these recordings languished without much fanfare; that was until 2003, when producer David Foster selected the song for up-and-coming star Josh Groban. “You Raise Me Up” became one of Groban’s megahits.

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Looking for Joy in All the Wrong Places
Looking for Joy in All the Wrong Places
Pledge Punctuation Changes Allegience
Pledge Punctuation Changes Allegience

Dear Pledging Patriots:

At the close of the 1800s, the United States was swamped with immigrants. Nearly 15% of the nation was foreign born, with a majority coming from northern and western European countries. It was noted that in 1890, one in six Chicago residents had been born in Germany. There were also a substantial number of new American residents from Ireland and eastern Europe. They were largely poor and alarmingly Catholic. Most, regardless of their country of origin, were arriving on American shores having formerly been pledged to kings and other associated royal potentates. Coming to America required not only the acquisition of a new language, but also a changed understanding of citizenship. Republics are very different from monarchies.

Concern over the new arrivals’ ability to assimilate and a fear that they lacked understanding

In Gratitude for Your Manifestation of God's Presence
In Gratitude for Your Manifestation of God's Presence

Dear Ones:

As you may imagine, today’s Musing doesn’t wander far from Dani’s brain surgery today. Some things overwhelm all other threads of concentration. Counting out Aggi’s (our dog) pills this morning and smooshing them into her favorite gummy candy, I was taken aback, because next to the newly filled pill cup was another pill cup containing the pills, each stuffed into a gummy. Clearly, I had done that task earlier in the morning and had no actual memory of having performed that part of my morning routine. I’m finding myself making sure the keys are in my pocket several times each time I get out of the car. Deep thought clearly takes up a lot of space, crowding out the mundane mental wanderings of an average day…

March 9, 2024. Dropping the Mask: A COVID Remembrance - what we lost, what we learned
March 9, 2024. Dropping the Mask: A COVID Remembrance - what we lost, what we learned

Dear Past Pandemic Prospectors,

Four years ago, during the second week of March 2020, the world underwent a profound transformation. Restaurants, schools, libraries, museums, churches, offices, sports arenas—any place where people gathered—shut down for nearly two years. Social connections were reduced to glowing screens, loved ones were glimpsed behind closed windows, learning was confined to laptops, and touch was abandoned. The world functioned at a distance, and remote living seemed safer.

When 'normalcy' returned, there was a rush to resume activities, to gather, to embrace, and to move forward. However, in our haste, we overlooked

Knowing Everything/Knowing Nothing
Knowing Everything/Knowing Nothing

Dear God Lovers:

I seldom experience past sermon preparation bleeding over into my Monday brain—by Sunday afternoon I’ve pretty much exhausted all interest in that morning’s texts, and I attempt to create some headspace to welcome the following week’s passages. But yesterday’s epistle reading from 1 Corinthians 8.1-13 has left some spiritual residue about which I have been musing.

For those who were there or who listened online, the focus of my sermon was the conclusion of the first verse of the passage, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” These words were convicting enough to wrestle out a full sermon. But verse 2 is equally if not more startling. Paul writes,