Dear Christmas Time Crunchers:

In a recent article published by the American Psychological Association, researchers Julian Givi and Colleen P. Kirk presented their findings regarding the emotional weight associated with declining an invitation (a PDF of the article may be found here). Briefly stated, their study found that those who decline invitations predict far more negative ramifications from the inviter than are justified. For example, if someone invites you to lunch and you decline, they tend to be far less disappointed than you think they are. The implication of the findings suggests that we respond positively to invitations more often than we honestly desire, and when we decline invitations, we are disposed to exaggerate the weight of our excuse. While my own research on this topic is far less scientific, I’m inclined to agree. Which brings me to my extending an invitation to you for our annual Christmas Eve Service, Sunday, December 24, at 8:00 p.m.

What you may not know is how well aware I am that most decisions to attend or not attend Christmas Eve worship, or any other service or activity at church, have been made long before I commend your attendance.

Several years ago, while attending a dinner party in the home of Dr. Martin Marty (a name-drop meaningful only to a handful of history and religion scholars), his wife Harriet said that most people, even active church members, make the decision to attend Sunday worship on Friday afternoon when they are forming their weekend plans. She believed a decision not to attend was not a cognitive choice against church, but that unless Sunday morning attendance was intentionally protected, Saturday evening socializing would quickly overwhelm one’s realistic capacity to do church. The habit of attending church, she felt, had more to do with your mindset towards the end of the workweek than your priorities on Sunday morning. If that’s the case on Sundays, the need for early planning is multiplied a thousandfold for Christmas Eve.

This is Monday, Christmas Eve is this coming Sunday, and because this is a note from your pastor, we all expect me to invite you to worship at 8:00 p.m. six days from now. Unfortunately, the option for your attendance was determined months ago when Christmas plans were arranged. In some cases, the flow of Christmas Eve was established generations ago when a family’s timing and menu were calcified. What’s more, the evening’s schedule may have been locked in when FPCLG, and most churches, held at least three Christmas Eve services. Ours were 4:30, 9:00 and 11:00, a schedule made possible not only by more attendees, but also by a larger pastoral staff and music budget. We now offer but a single option, resulting in many invitation declines, which brings me back to the research of Givi and Kirk.

When I invite you to Christmas Eve Worship, please know that I am not looking for an excuse big enough to justify your decline. I honestly do not evaluate your priorities, your commitment to church, not even your spiritual integrity. I assume you’re a good person with a good family and that you may not have the necessary bandwidth to include the singing of carols and hearing of lessons from 8:00 to 9:00 p.m. this coming Sunday evening. I know some may even prefer celebrating the hour with their church family rather than their relatives, but the weight of relational expectation makes church gathering impractical.

What’s so very cool is that we will gather again the following Sunday, December 31, at 10:00 a.m. I only mention this now in hopes to influence your plan making at 3:00 p.m. on Friday, December 29. If you can’t make it then either, and if Givi and Kirk are correct, you’ll feel way worse than I will.

Unwilling to multiply feeling of guilt and obligation, I remain,

With Love,
Jonathan Krogh
Your Pastor

P.S. We’ll be happy to see each other whenever it’s possible!